You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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