I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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