My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize