Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
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APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
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your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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