Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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