I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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