i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
