WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
