my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
