If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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