i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
