I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you would pick up someone in the library
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
