will power is for people who don't want to get laid
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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