Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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