I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.