Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty