Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."

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  (805): woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream." http://tfl.nu/w9nn
  Replies (11) Good night (4476) Bad night (945)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...

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  (617): I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing... http://tfl.nu/p474
  Replies (21) Good night (1212) Bad night (4957)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.

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  (724): You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame. http://tfl.nu/zyq0
  Replies (14) Good night (1881) Bad night (2891)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.

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  (860): its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party. http://tfl.nu/bik1
  Replies (5) Good night (2283) Bad night (722)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight

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  (770): Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight http://tfl.nu/pi0o
  Replies (5) Good night (1483) Bad night (625)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.

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  (+61): I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog. http://tfl.nu/k4kj
  Replies (5) Good night (1570) Bad night (952)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.

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  (+61): We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia. http://tfl.nu/ry0s
  Replies (2) Good night (2135) Bad night (540)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.

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  (678): I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding. http://tfl.nu/gais
  Replies (6) Good night (1574) Bad night (465)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge

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  (518): Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge http://tfl.nu/f69s
  Replies (5) Good night (1444) Bad night (422)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.

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  (215): I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina. http://tfl.nu/lvx4
  Replies (2) Good night (401) Bad night (550)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.

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  (540): Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one. http://tfl.nu/xdjm
  Replies (3) Good night (859) Bad night (212)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?

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  (480): Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night? http://tfl.nu/lw86
  Replies (7) Good night (442) Bad night (768)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.

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  (256): He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree. http://tfl.nu/17st
  Replies (4) Good night (855) Bad night (217)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this

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  (484): You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this http://tfl.nu/n0b8
  Replies (1) Good night (481) Bad night (232)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.

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  (610): The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly. http://tfl.nu/cjbh
  Replies (3) Good night (500) Bad night (216)

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