It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
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I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
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I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.