before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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