Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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