You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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