I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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