so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
