HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
