I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
