he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
