I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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