I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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