remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize