threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
