have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
