OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
