morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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