I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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