I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
