i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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