my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
