Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
