In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
