you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
