I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
