the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
