3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
