I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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