Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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