Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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