I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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