It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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