ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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