You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
