just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
