My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
