So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
