so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
