he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
