So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
