do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I got inside last night via doggy door
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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