But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
