Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
