Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
