Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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