woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
