Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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