my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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