i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
