The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
